I want to talk about a struggle that many of us face but may not often talk about openly.

It's that feeling of grief and anger over the absence or loss of our own childhood and adolescence, especially when we compare it to the happiness and opportunities our own children enjoy.

If this is something you’re struggling with or know someone who is, read on and maybe if you feel called to, share it with them.

It's a complex mix of emotions, and finding a way to "get over" it can be challenging. But remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and together we can find ways to navigate through it.

First of all, I want to acknowledge your efforts and the love you pour into your children's lives. I don’t know you personally, but it's wonderful to imagine that they are generally happy and content, and that you’re doing everything within your capacity to provide for them.

I truly see your commitment to creating a nurturing environment for your kids.

However, as your children grow older and experience the joys of childhood, it's natural for you to reflect on your own upbringing.

You might find yourself experiencing intense pangs of sadness in relation to your own childhood, as you observe how differently life could have unfolded.

Perhaps you recognize patterns emotional absence (maybe even abuse?) that were present in your own mother's parenting style. These moments can be difficult to process, and they can catch you off guard, even when you least expect it.

Let's explore some practical steps that can help you navigate these emotions and find peace:

Acknowledge and accept your feelings: It's essential to give yourself permission to feel the sadness, grief, and even anger that arises when you reflect on your own childhood. These emotions are valid, and it's okay to experience them. Notice if you’re quick to shut down or stuff these negative feelings down. This may be a pattern you have developed to protect yourself as a child. Allowing yourself to feel is not a waste of time and you are not condoning yourself to wallow in self-pity. It is in the feel-the-feelings that would help you to truly get over these hijacked moments in your day.
Journaling: Consider keeping a journal where you can freely express your thoughts and emotions. Write about your childhood experiences, your dreams, and the pain you carry. By putting your feelings into words, you may find a sense of release and clarity. To add my own note: I’m not big on journaling personally. I use it to thought dump when my mind chatter is overwhelming. But it has helped so many of my clients to process their deepest, most intimate thoughts and feelings.
Seek support: Connect with other mamas who might be going through similar experiences. Join online support groups or communities where you can share your journey and find comfort in the company of others who understand. Sometimes, just knowing that you are not alone can be incredibly empowering.
Cultivate self-compassion: It's important to be kind and gentle with yourself throughout this process. Understand that you’re doing the best you can with the tools you have. Treat yourself with the love and care you would show to your own child (your inner child) when they’re going through a challenging time. Pro tip: take out a childhood photo aged between 2-12 years and place it on your desk at work or somewhere you can easily see it everyday. It’s easier to empathise with a visual child version of you, who is still very much in you today.
Focus on the present moment by going in the body: When waves of sadness overcome you unexpectedly, try grounding yourself in the present. My personal favourite is to connect with my breath. Try this, it’ll only take 15 seconds: Close your eyes to stop any distraction. Then take 3 deep breaths. Now let your breath go back to its natural rhythm. Notice the rising and falling of your chest or stomach with each breath. Notice the temperature of the air as your breathe in and breathe out through your nostrils. Whenever you’re ready, open your eyes.
Seek professional help if needed: If your feelings of grief and sadness persist and significantly impact your daily life, it might be beneficial to reach out to a therapist or counsellor. They can provide valuable guidance and support tailored to your specific needs. If therapy path feels heavy, you might wanna consider working with a coach.

Remember, healing takes time. There is no magic switch to instantly "get over" these emotions, but with patience, self-compassion, and self-reflection, you can find ways to navigate through them.

Embrace the journey of healing, and remember that your own happiness matters just as much as your children's.

You are an incredible mother, capable of creating a nurturing and loving environment for your children, despite of your own past.

Your resilience is inspiring, and I believe in your ability to find peace and end the trauma from being passed on to your next generation. ❤️

Wishing you strength and sending you lots of love,

Sarah